Separation
A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."
Chicago Cab Driver
On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from our hotel.
My husband obligingly hailed a cab.
"The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus," he told the driver.
The cabby looked over his shoulder at us.
"And the gentleman?" he asked, "Does he want to go to the bank?"
A guy walks into a post office ...
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing Love stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says, I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, Guess who?
But why? asks the man.
I'm a divorce lawyer, the man replies.
For The Kids...
What happened at the vampires race?
It finished neck and neck!
What's a vampire's favourite drink?
A bloody mary!
Why did the car stop when it saw a ghost?
It had a nervous breakdown!
What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve?
"Auld Fang Syne"!
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